Disgruntled Asian-American Men
What if you were a genius in a jock world? Or just a smart, hard working man in a jock world? What if all the chicks assumed you’re a nerdy smartie of little social value because of your skin color? Maybe then you would become one of the Bitter Asian Men, “the site made by bitter asian men, for bitter asian men… and also for all of you out there who might be curious as to why we, as asian men, are so bitter.”
The site is boiling with reasoned anger about the place and role of Asian men in contemporary America. The site details several examples of how Asian men are hated on, so to speak, but I found the piece on Asian parents most interesting. Here’s an excerpt:
The first factor is the pressure. Oh, the pressure. If you think you know what parental pressure is, and you’re not Asian, you are wrong. Asian kids are consistently expected to do more and do better than their peers, and hell, even kids twice their age. Therefore, almost all Asian children 1) will play an instrument (a dignified classical instrument at that, and certainly not electric guitar) 2) will study math at an accelerated pace - I was doing calculus in middle school 3) will participate in as many extracurricular activities as possible (all academic though, never sports) and 4) take standardized tests early and as many times as necessary to achieve a perfect score.
Asian parents instill the notion of ‘you must succeed’ (by which they mean academic success, not social success) so early that by the time they reach high school, Asian kids are walking zombies reciting scientific facts like gospel. This problem is only exacerbated by the Asian trait (so common I swear it must be genetic) to compare children. Inevitably in any Asian child’s life, they will hear a line similar to “Why aren’t you taking calculus yet? Jim Wong’s son is a year younger than you and he is!”, or “You only got a 1550 on the SAT? Sally Lee’s daughter got a 1590!” or “What, you mean you’re not valedictorian!?” Though all Asian kids are driven by their parents to be geniuses, of course, only a few of them are actually capable of being geniuses. Those that aren’t live constantly under the vague impression that their parents wish their kids were better, while those who ARE, of course, live constantly under the vague impression that their parents believe they COULD be doing better.
Obviously such academic pressure leaves no time for a social life. Dating isn’t mentioned in the Asian household, and girls only come up as a topic of discussion if they’re horrifically smart and if your parents want to compare you to them. If dating is allowed, of course, the girlfriend must be Asian and must be smart (though not as smart as you, of course, as that would hurt the Family Honor). The end result is that Asian kids are disproportionately Book Smart over Street Smart. They can explain to you the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus but never grasp the fundamental rules of dating.
This complaint sounds like a Turbo-powered version of the ye olde Baby Boomers criticism of and eventual revolt against the bourgeois values that were so widespread in Europe and America until they were basically swept away by the Counter Culture in the 1960’s (more so in Europe than in America).
I really, really hope that Bitter Asian Men isn’t a prelude to a similar development among Asian Americans, because, damnit, we can’t afford to go through that kind of personal hedonism and societal waste again.
BAM’s feelings are understandble, though. Popular culture really does shaft Asian men, who rarely land movie roles as anything other than martial arts experts - not even as geeks, since Hollywood for some reason likes to cast African-Americans as computer experts. While Asians have made inroads in professional baseball in America, baseball itself has lost a good deal of its standing as America’s Sport, a role now carried by the National Football League, where, I believe, Dat Nguyen is the only Asian.
To add insult to injury, golf ace and self-described Cablanasian Tiger Woods is marketed exclusively as black in America.
Basically, America doesn’t allot much social status to areas which Asian men quite frankly dominate (such as computers) while it obsesses over those where Asian men do poorly (like football). Yet, as Bitter Asian Men points out, Asian females are coveted by whites. Why wouldn’t that piss you off if you were an Asian-American male? I know several interracial couples where the woman is Asian, but not a single one where the male is Asian (excluding a gay couple, for fairly obvious reasons).
(It should be noted that “Asian” in this context refers to Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Vietnamese et al, and not to Indians, who, in American parlance, are lumped in with Asians. Interracial dating/coupling seems to be far less of a concern to Indians, and also far less common among them).
Part of the problem is that America is simply stuck in a Black and White worldview. Whites are the norm, Blacks are interesting and everybody else can essentially go screw. Or more to the point: There are people who are neither black nor white? How strange. The critically acclaimed, and in my opinion overrated, movie Crash spends a lot of energy on the Black/White divide, but treats Latinos and Asians as some kind of sideshow, even though Los Angeles, where the movie takes place, is 60% Asian and Latino. Considering that Asians and Latinos make up a rapidly growing proportion of America’s population, it could be in Mainstream America’s interest to pay them a little bit more attention.
From a national perspective, Asian American men present America with an intriguing dilemma: Should they assimilate into the less productive, more violent mainstream, or should they maintain their strenghts at the risk of further alienation?